Rhythms of Rest

I remember writing this blog about this new collection in last July and thinking,—“Is this it?” 

It felt unfinished, and little did I know, it kind of was. I put this journal and the collection aside and just waited. 

If you are new here, I found out at the end of July that my (6 month old at the time) daughter Kit has rare genetic disease called MPS I. 

God pulled me so close the weeks prior to her diagnosis. He taught me so much in such a short amount of time.  He brought me out of a season of depression and desperation. He truly pulled everything together for me and our family in preparation for the hard season we had ahead. This is what this journal and collection of paintings is about.

 I thought about rewriting everything in the present tense, but I think it is better suited as is. 

Here it is! Just as it was when  I wrote it in July of 2024. 

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“Lord, what is Your purpose in me being so tired? What is your Your purpose in this season of my life?”

This was my desperate cry to God. 

As a mom of a 2.5 year old, Andi, and 6 month old, Kit, I am always tired. Kit does not sleep through the night and there are many nights that Andi doesn’t sleep through the night either. Physically I feel exhausted most days. Everyone will give you the spill–”Oh, it’s just a season!  They will be grown up before you know it!” 

Even talking to other moms it is just seems to be the normal to feel how I felt, and I had completely accepted that I would just be tired, I would be on edge, I would be on the brink of tears most days, my relationships would struggle, I would basically be a wreck, but —hey it’s okay, it’s just for a season.

About a month ago I hit my breaking point. I just couldn’t handle it. Honestly, looking back I can see now how anxious and depressed I really was. I know people talk about mom brain, and anytime I mix something up or forget something I always use that as an excuse, but the fog I felt in my mind felt more like a separation from God. Anytime I tried to read my bible or pray I just felt like I couldn’t even think straight. 

Finally one morning I asked God. “Lord, what is Your purpose in me being so tired?”

The same morning, I tried to pray or read my bible and immediately felt that fog come over me. I pulled out my phone and scrolled on instagram. God in his mercy led me to answer almost immediately. 

I had been following Jordan Lee Dooley for a long time, but never listened to one of her podcasts. She had a clip of one of instagram interviewing Jess Connolly about her book, “Tired of Being Tired.” I knew from the title I had to listen, so I listened to the podcast and immediately ordered the book. 

What God has shown me through reading Jess’s book, reading His word, spending time with Him in prayer is that– yes this season is hard, but He isn’t asking me to do it alone. 

And the answer to the question–what is the purpose in me being so tired?

I truly believe that God used my desperation to bring me closer to him. He has shown me that in this season and every season, I am to fully depend on Him. To trust Him. To have faith in Him. 

Relying on my own strength to take care of everything left me an absolute mess.I believed I had to do it all, and no one else could do what I do for my family. Along the way, I stopped asking for his help. 

Over the last almost three years, I have felt this “fog” in my mind and over the last few weeks I have felt the fog finally lift. God has shown me that He requires nothing of me. I can simply just BE with Him and that is enough. 

The separation I have felt from Him was of my own doing. Letting the guilt of not reading my bible everyday or having a ‘per-say” quiet time, filling my mind with things of this world instead of things of Him, being so busy to the point that I wasn’t even able to process through my own emotions, putting my physical need of rest off to the point that my body was having chronic health issues. 

I cannot express how much Jess Connolly’s Book , “tired of being tired” has ministered to me and what an answered prayer it has been. I knew that I was physically tired, but her books goes into not only being physically tired, but also emotional, mental and spiritual tiredness. I didn’t realize the depths of which my tiredness ran.  The book taught me so many things about rest and God’s design, but then practical ways to implement new rhythms of rest in my life.

Some of the new spiritual rhythms I’ve added to my life since reading her book are:

• Listing 5 things I’m grateful for each day

• Writing down my worries each day and then giving them to God

• Taking 10 minutes each day to just be still with God and meditate on who He is

• Having a full day of rest each week

There are also some things in my life that I have had to remove or quit putting as much focus on. Too much TV, too much scrolling, too much working, too much shopping, too much cleaning, too much going, too much striving. Some things I thought were important and that I couldn’t give up, God has shown me how much more He is to me and how much more the things of Him will satisfy my soul. 

I painted this collection of abstract paintings throughout these past couple of months while searching to find the rest that only God can provide. This collection took longer than anticipated, and I’ve had to keep pushing back and pushing back the release date in response to listening to God’s command to rest. 

The final painting of this collection is most special to me. I finished painting it on a day where I felt rested physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. My daughter Andi joined me putting the finishing touches on this piece. We were working with the painting flat on a table, and she started using the brush as a drum stick making different sounds as she would the brush across the canvas. She thought it was the most amazing thing. 

“Perfect Peace”

48x60 inches

Acrylic on canvas

The rhythmic taps of the brush on the canvas reminded me of the new rhythms I was setting in my own life. I think it is the most amazing thing how God continues to somehow tie together whatever is going on in my walk with Him back to the art I’m creating simultaneously.

I pray this collection of abstract paintings will serve as a reminder to whoever views them to rest in the Lord and to fully depend on the Lord. 

Depend on the LORD; trust him, and he will take care of you.

Psalms 37:5

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Matthew 11: 28-29

If you feel like you are in the trenches and there is no way out, God will do these things and so much more for you.

If you or someone you know is in a season and in need of rest, I’d love to pray for you/them or even send you/them a copy of Jess Connolly’s book. Send me an email, text or message! 

Prayer is powerful, and our God can do abundantly more than we can ever ask! 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God

Philippians 4:6-7

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,

Ephesians 3:20